Ok! So let's follow this and see where it leads us! ":O} When you say you realize your un-goodness That has to be a thought assessment rather than a direct perception....unless your feeling physically ill or unwell. These are just some of thoughts you have (we all have) concerning yourself. They range from I'm a pretty good fellow to I'll burn forever.":O} These type of thoughts are only useful when tied to a specific act in a specific circumstance. As an indicator of our worthiness they are worse than useless as they depress the hell out of us. "All thoughts that go beyond the immediate situation only make the heart sore. So instead of waiting for the now you decided (Everyone does you know!) That you would get some thinking in. Not surprising as: "the heart thinks constantly this can not be helped. But the movements of the heart that is a man's thoughts should be restricted to the immediate situation at hand.." I -Ching with such thoughts we are mostly just trying to match how we feel and how we are with how we are doing morally. Need I remind us that J.C. was doing his very best work when he was just hanging around, doing nothing but enduring pain and waiting to die.on the cross,the intersection of the temporal and the eternal. How we feel can be very misleading. She who gave birth in the dust of time at the dawn of humanity must surly have thought she was dying! Laying there waiting. for all that was to come was to come thought her travail. There is true poetry in the fact that if we want to enter into the Now..We must be nourished and for nourishment we must wait...we must wait in the now "Thoughts are like forest deer watch them long enough and they disappear." What I feel is most important is that we begin in stillness and gentleness. Absolutely nothing can be gained here by force. Weakness and impatience can accomplish nothing here.. .There is a VERY real sense in which you will need to gain your selfs permission to grow still, to rest quietly upon and enter gently into waiting now. A thousand thoughts crop up. we get irritable and start thinking of better ways to spend our time. Let them come watch them go. like forest deer. everything is in the now.past present, future. Wait for it and the now arrives right on time. "God may not be there when you want him. But he's always there on time. From an old Black Gospel So we resolve ourselves to sit and wait unlit the now each day. But every thing we have left ourselves open to all our lives (Distraction). calls up endless desires for us to consider. Weakness and impatience can do nothing. These are the deer we need to watch without participation. Thus coming at lest in the moment, to quite. Likes and dislikes fade and we begin to get a sense of the equality of all things As we observe we are observed. as this sense of equality grows so does objectivity. Nothing needs to be hidden, nothing needs to be promoted. Be kind to yourself for a student learns quickly from a kind and gentle master...so be such and gain much. There is no end game here. No place you have to go. nothing you have to gain or lose. When distracting thoughts become pesky I suggest you use the two edge sword of Manjusery a Tibetan God. It cuts both ways, you benefit your self as you benefit others. It's like a totally easy thing to swing it! When thoughts start to form you repeat endlessly or until they stop. "Cutting, cutting,cutting,cutting. When you stop to admire yourself cutting,cut that to! Slice thinking into so many pierces all you can do is observe and observe the observer cutting cutting cutting.