As I live out my 70th year this question has become paramount with me. I have two fears. That my generation will be seen as the last irresponsible and reckless Generation. The second is that we won't be.... The next generation will have to do better than previous generations. My Generation took up all that was left in the slack.The line grows taunt and is beginning to stretch with the strain. How to say everything we thought we knew about progress is wrong? How to tell them that this path is littered with poisoned wells and tainted soils. That brotherhood is born not in a skin but from one soul touching another without a hand to be seen. So now that we have angered the ocean we tell them to set sail? We tell them they are without limits and then tell them they can't live without a world! As sure as I'm sure about the truth of these words, I'm equally sure we did not hear them. The only way forward is the way back. Having no goal, we wander. But we inject desires and with which we pour fog over the landscape we might have seen. What good to wander if we see nothing of the world we pass though? How to tell the youth do not follow us! We lost our way. We no longer know the good from the bad. The only way you can go forward is to first go back. We are not a part from nature though we have departed from her. As She suffers from our extremity so we shall suffer in her losses and our cries shall be one with hers. All is not lost, but you must find a new way to go back to where we once belonged. Shamefully, we are counting on you to save all. To save your children from the fate we handed you. We have never so clearly failed the new generation. When our sorrows come to pass...I cannot think why the young would even bother to feed me. When hunger is what my generation gave the poor.
How is your son doing in the Army, Gizmo? Sure hope he is thriving in that new (to him) and strange environment!
He was discharged under chapter 11, 'Failure to Adapt to Military Life'. This is a no-fault discharge; it's basically as if he had never enlisted. He can even re-enlist at a later point if he so chooses, with the proviso that the recruiter will obviously want to know why he thinks he'll be successful when he wasn't previously. Otherwise, it's as if he never went. I'm obviously a disappointed, that he didn't succeed. At the same time however, I understand that the military isn't for everyone, and he is still young. At the very least, he gained from the experience; it has definitely matured him, so it wasn't wasted effort. He currently has a job at a local mexican fast-food place, and is working out his next steps.
As the myriad "bad discharge" list of "options" that are available to Uncle Sam went unused in this case, I think your son did OK. What was right for you wasn't right for him. Happens that way sometimes. I'm happy that he learned a lot from the experience!
My lack of posts!? I need inspiration! I need problems I can pretend to solve!! I need someone yelling " I'm going under someone throw me a line!!" I need someone on vision quest just to get my eyes to focus upon the page. So what's it take to get you guys to post? ":O}
I my life I have failed to meet with success more often than not. But I have come to know that success can be far worse than failure. That success can tell you lies as easily as failure uncovers hidden truths about ourselves, truths we thought we could deny. When a mountain spring first breaks ground and shows itself on the move, it does not know where it will go or how it will get there. I just moves forward filling up any low places, circumventing obstacles and gathering the strength and power of the rain. In this way nothing can stop the waters from reaching the sea. When we wander without a goal, we are exploring not this world but ourselves. To know oneself is to know this world. One who knows himself soon finds his place in the world. Remember Alcume's sage words: "There is nothing superfluous in nature." Not one extra blade of grass. If you are you have a place to fulfill your self, we wander to find that place.
Yeah, Tony and I discussed this. I made sure he understood that, while I was disappointed he had failed basic, I was NOT disappointed in him. He gave it a shot, figured out it wasn't what he wanted to do. The whole point of this exercise was to get him to go out in the world and try something. That it ended in failure wasn't terribly surprising, TBH. But that was part of the point; you can't know what you want to do until you've tried some things out. And to say that it 'ended in failure' is really mischaracterizing it; it WASN'T a failure, because he learned something useful out of it. As for failure, a friend of mine used to say "A failure is the surest sign someone tried to accomplish something". I still think his long term goals are probably going to be best served by doing a term in the military. He wants to get into IT, maybe software development, but he's got a keen interest in aerospace as well. But that's just my opinion, and the military certainly isn't the ONLY path, especially at his age.
Speaking as one who knows failure better than most, tis bitter and throws one back upon one self. One looks from side to side and sees others go forward where one is held back. This world takes your measure.It quite often decides it doesn't need what you have to offer. Tis bitter. In such circumstance it is easy to forget that you are here to take the measure of this world as well as to be measured, WE must then ask of ourselves what do we want bad enough to strive beyond our selves to attain? Probably the hardest question youth must answer...What do I love? How to nourish that which we love. Sometimes we can't. I love music. But had I a thousand years I shall never make the music I love. It is just not in me to do. So I take my music upon my journey but I don't count upon it as a way of life as some do. I was 30 years finding what I was to do. Another 30 understanding why it was for me to do. My point here is that we are like mountain springs we do not know where we are to go, only going reveals our destination over time. only as the waters gather and gain strength does the river bed reveal itself. Working jobs we have zero interest in can be demoralizing. it is important to remain receptive and open. To watch over one self. To know what you are thinking as you work. Opportunities do not come all at once. I was often years trying to find my next step forward. Often it wasn't forward, but maintained me until forward was possible. Please remind him that he is only young., and incomplete. Time will change the way you see the world, as well the way the world sees you. So the first hard lesson, failure sucks. Failure happens when we are not properly prepared to succeed or when we realize we really don't want to succeed at a given thing. The old "I thought it might like it...but no." So I offer this unasked for advice. Don't worry about what you think you "Should do". Find out what it is you would like to do. Then pull out all the stops. Take your time, busing dishes is a great incentive to self discovery...I mean how long do you think you can stand to do it? Exactly.":O} Searching one's own heart is a process not a discovery. In searching we become who we need to be to go forward. Remember no matter how personal it seems, we all must endure such beginnings. Very few of us find it at all easy. Yet most of us do find a way forward even as we grow fearful that we will not. For me, what your son is going through was the very hardest part of my life. I pray your sons passage will be easier, but don't really believe it will be. Easy is just not a part of becoming who we are. Whatever course calls to you, whatever moves you to action, do not fail to become who you are. Succeed at this and the rest is just by the way. As Cat Stevens once wrote: "look at me, I'm old but I'm happy.":O}
Very good post Daniel, thank you! Ah, Cat Stevens. Funny how I like him less as Mustafa Islam, or whatever it is that he calls himself nowadays. Me prejudiced? Terribly. And I work hard on lessening this fault within myself, but doubt I'll ever be free of it. Argh.
We are ALL prejudiced, my friend, either by teaching or experience. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar or a fool (likely both). The important thing is to recognize our prejudices, and prevent them from gaining the upper hand.
Interesting that you should mention this, as it bears on a recent experience of mine. My boss is going to retire in the next couple of years. I have been offered the opportunity to take over his position and become the manager for my team. As I'm already the team lead, this seems like a logical progression, and would be a good promotion. Initially, I was excited at the opportunity. I've been a manager before; I was even a Director at one point, so the experience isn't foreign to me. But it's been said that a man should know his limitations; more precisely, he should know his weaknesses. The characteristics that make me good in a technical role work against me as a manager; I find it very, very difficult to step back and let others do the work; I want to be in the thick of things. As a manager, that just isn't a good trait. A good manager knows how to pick good people for the task at hand, clear obstacles from their path, and let them do their jobs. After much soul searching, I finally have realized that being a manager just isn't a good use of my talents, nor is it what I want to do. Not that I COULDN'T do it and be good at it if I so chose, simply that I really have no DESIRE to invest the time, effort, and energy. There is much focus in our culture on 'career development' as if there is something wrong with finding something you are happy doing, are good at doing, and staying with it. As much as we should recognize our weaknesses, we should ALSO recognize our strengths.
It seems much easier for me to simply fix a problem rather than to send it back to the person who originally flubbed it. I was interviewed for a job with an outfit that made wiring harnesses for the MX missile. If I had said "send the problem back to its originator" I'd have been hired on the spot. Looking back on that interview I'm glad I said what they didn't want to hear. Sounds like a very boring job. And working on things that go boom--who wants that?
That's a double-edged sword. Yes, it's frequently easier to fix it yourself, but it also doesn't do anything to prevent the problem from occurring again. To me, that's the key difference between a tech and an engineer; a tech fixes problems, an engineer prevents them from occurring to begin with. In any case, part of my job as team lead is to identify 'opportunities for improvement', and it's actually one of the things that I enjoy. I'm actually old enough now to have acquired a large body of knowledge in my domain of expertise, and being able to share that knowledge with the others and see them incorporate what I've taught them is a reward unto itself. Of course, I'm also an egotistical bastard so after I've taught them what I know, I go out and learn something new so I always know more than anyone else.
Hey Gizmo, sorry to hear that Tony didn't finish Basic training. I didn't even know there was an option to quit in the middle of it? But it was good that he learned quickly this wasn't something he wanted to do. I'm very independent and like to grow/learn at my own pace. I've never had a problem learning new things or experimenting and failing at hobbies/skills. I can work in a team environment, but someone always holds the team back and I would have to step up my game in place of them. I'm just more productive going solo. As you can see with my guides. That said... Military life would never go well with me. I don't do any organized sports or team events. I don't need a coach yelling at me to inspire me or a boss lecturing me to make me more productive. I just do it on my own! I totally respect your decision to not level up to management. For some reason many companies just think you are ready for management after you have worked enough years. On top of that, management always get a pay increase while removing the "hands on" work. I would hate being a manager in IT because all the fun is in the actual work. Research, trial-n-error, experimenting, test environments, breaking things and so on...
